My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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