Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
