his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
