D3 body, D1 cock
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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