How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
