Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
