dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk is not a location!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
