We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
