your room smells of hookers.
And success
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
