Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
