I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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