I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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