Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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