My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
