he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
