so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
