Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At least make sure they are 18
Why
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
