Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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