Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
