if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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