god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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