Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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