Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
