he puts the penis in happiness.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
