If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
