So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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