i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
