dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
