I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
