Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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