I just made out with a guy for $7.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
