You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
