i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you inspire me to be a worse person
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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