He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm passing your future prison.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
