Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
