the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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