no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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