i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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