normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
