I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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