somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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