i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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