he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
