At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
