Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
