Your tits are I can't wait for
I can text with my tongue
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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