Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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