I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
