Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
