oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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