i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
