PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
