This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
